half birthday

i’d like to blow out a half birthday candle right now, but instead i just drank a vanilla porter from breckenridge brewery. my baby boy is refusing to go to sleep and it’s 9:40. we’ve been going at it since returning home at 7:56. i tried feeding him. i tried rocking him. singing to him. i tried letting him cry. feeding him again. letting him lay and cry while i pat his back. now he’s just playing in the “stationary entertainer” borrowed from our friends. and will probably [hopefully] be deliriously tired in about 2 minutes.

it wasn’t true. it’s now 9:47 and he wouldn’t have it. the papa is out having drinks with some guys, but if he were here archer would certainly submit to sleep. robert doesn’t have the comfort food, you know what i mean, so when he takes over it’s like ta-dahhhh! he’s asleep!

today was one of those days. i’m riding the tail of my sinus virus cold thing, feeling achy and sneezy and fatigued. archer’s just not sleeping. his nap came and went from like 1:15-2:00. what??? sleep, my child!!!

ok, wow. so it’s 9:52 now. he’s successfully transferred from arms to bed almost 2 hours later. obviously i’m not on my a-game, but seriously that was ridiculous.

and then there’s a video like  this one and i just cryyyy because this life is so beautiful and what on earth do i have to complain about? i love being archer’s mama. i love being robert’s wife. i love our home and our time together. even though the few short hours we had as a family today were comically disastrous.

we were out and about doing errands, nothing special, and i spilled my [decaf soy cinnamon honey] latte on my pants, shoe, and all over the tile floor of the fancy schmancy mall. well. there goes the semi-put-together feeling i had going for me. i had showered in the last 24 hours. my jeans were washed within the last 2 times i wore them… and i even wore eye shadow and earrings today. but i let the spilled latte get me down. oh, and then the fire alarm goes off so the entire mall has to evacuate. that was fun. then they declared the only elevator “out of order” restricting me and the stroller to the second floor while robert has to go to the first floor for his genius bar appointment.

it’s now 10:13. for my half birthday present to myself i will paint my fingernails and call it a night. we’ll start fresh tomorrow. and maybe i won’t let the small stuff overcome my mood. maybe i’ll take a hint from walt and just remember what was important about today.

[image source]

an update strictly for the record:

he woke up at around 11:30 to eat. then he woke up at 4:00 am and was eating sweetly. i felt a warm wet gush. he peed, obviously, and i changed his diaper. poor babe was sitting in a puddle of pee and some dried up poo. probably from the 9:00 hour episode. i mean, he rarely poos so late, and i didn’t hear/feel it.
and so i change him, new dry pjs for him, new shirt for me. and i feed him and he stops to grab my finger with his little fist and he looks up at me with the biggest smile you ever saw. just to say, “thanks mama.”
who knows when he’ll fall back asleep, but it’s okay because i won’t always have 4:19 am with my little boy cuddles and smiles and wiggles and yawns. it’s raining softly outside, drumming on the house with a reassuring rhythm. we’re warm, dry, and full of love.

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One thought on “half birthday

  1. That last paragraph made me tear up! Yes, I totally have those days where little things set me off completely, I recognize how ridiculous it is but it’s hard to get out of. I think that just means I’m still in “the fog” and someday life won’t be so crazy and exhausting. But do I ever really want to get there…? That means our babies will be growing up.


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